It's Always When You're Naked {Cartman}

[Marceline Abadeer]

The knock came just as Marceline was stepping out of the shower. She hadn't even dried yet, at least not technically, and so there was a moment of pausing, a moment when Marcy wondered if she should actually go down and greet someone, get dried and dressed first, or just generally ignore things and leave it to her roommates. Except it occurred to Marceline that she hadn't actually seen her roommates in some time. She vaguely recalled meeting people that were supposed to be living with her, some kind of guy and a girl who thought she was a dog or something. Given that Marceline had regularly hung out with Jake (well, teased and tormented; same thing), she was used to that. But now that she thought about it, she was pretty sure that she hadn't seen them lately.

Logically, she should wrap her hair in a towel, wrap another around her, and go for it. But Marceline operated on her own version of logic, which only occasionally matched up with the real world version. In this case, she did opt for throwing a towel around her, which covered up unmentionables and then some (it was a large towel), but she left her long, black hair wet and loose against her back. Thus situated, Marceline darted down to the door, pausing only for a moment to grab her axe, just in case.

"Hey," she called, somehow managing to make the greeting sound almost lackadaisical, as if she knew someone was there but just couldn't muster up enough care to actually venture forth. "I'm going to open the door, okay? If you're, like, a creature made of meat or something, I'ma gonna chop your face, kay?"

With that hardy bit dangling in the air, Marceline opened the door. She didn't open it slightly or cautiously, but popped it open, displaying herself and the house behind full well. Her other hand gripped her axe tightly, and there was a confidence in her stance that said she was able and willing to use the weapon with the slightest provocation. For now, however, she settled for scanning the new person with her eyes, silently judging.

[Eric Cartman]

They took his iPod.

Eric knew things were shady and not good about Tenebrae about two seconds after he met his new least favorite woman on earth, Becky the Stepford Wife from Hell, but then she took his iPod, his iPhone, the pictures out of his wallet... they pretty much frisked him and took anything he had of value. What kind of sick wasteland was this, where people ambushed each other over things like ID cards?! Much as Eric would be loathe to admit something as unseemly as this, he was kind of wishing he was back in Obama's America, where at least he could shoot someone who tried to take his crap. (For now.) He couldn't even argue his point - Becky was a rock wall. All Eric had on him was his now-fairly-empty wallet, his useless house keys, his new house key, and six layers of winter clothes, which he was itching to rip off. It was getting very hot outside, with the mild temperatures and the slight breeze. Pushing his trucker hat down farther on his head, to keep the wind from stealing that from him too, he walked up the porch to his new "home".

It would never be home. Eric was dead certain of that. Home would always be him and his mother, in that empty two-story house, studying in silence as his mother read a book. Or home would be with the man he loved, a house where there was constantly people running about, shouting at each other with abandon. He sighed. He didn't have much of a choice on this one, though. He knocked on the door, expecting a prompt answer from another chirpy member of the alternate universe cult he'd found himself in. Maybe he was in Jonestown. He'd read enough about that for his thesis to know how utterly screwed he was if it -

"Hey, I'm going to open the door, okay? If you're, like, a creature made of meat or something, I'ma gonna chop your face, kay?"

Eric paused for a moment before his face scrunched up in confusion. "...I mean, technically, we're all made of meat, but, erm..."

And with that, the female voice threw the door open, revealing her fairly naked body, wrapped only in a towel, hand gripping something that might've been a guitar, but might also have been a lumberjack's axe. Eric's eyes immediately shot straight to the weapon/instrument, handily avoiding looking her body over. It wasn't that women disgusted him physically, it was that... who was he kidding, he didn't like the female form at all. Grimacing, he closed his eyes beneath his newly-inherited glasses. "I live here now. Are you really planning on using that on me?" Eric allowed himself a moment to look her directly in the eyes, crossing his arms over the bulk of layers he wore. "Eric Cartman. You better not be planning on using that on me."

[Marceline Abadeer]

"Nah, I'm talking, like, spam monster. Giant things that like being set on fire," offered Marceline, her tone completely casual. She gestured with her free hand toward the house that was still fire-damaged. Marceline had been at ground zero for the Meatling invasion, mostly because she still spent most of the day sleeping (old habits). The creatures had appeared out of no where, appearing to be mostly made out of meat product, and proceeded to act like idiots. Marcy and a couple of others had gotten lucky and managed to take them down, but you could definitely still see the remnants.

Of course, Marceline didn't explain any of that. She just stood in the doorway, studying the guy in front of her. She immediately made note of his looking less at her and more at her weapon, which was interesting. Could mean a whole bunch of things, but interesting was what Marceline was going with for the moment. His repeated insistence that she not use it just made her smile her fangy smile. Some people got purple hair, others got weird eyes, Marceline kept her pointed vampire teeth.

"Sure you got the right house? They give you the heads up about living with the vampire chick who keeps losing roomies?" Marceline's eyes sparkled for a moment. True, she'd lost a few roommates, but she wasn't sure where they went. Still, she chuckled at the thought and pushed her tongue against a fang for a few moments. Her eyes never left Cartman, but she did lower her weapon slightly.

"How do I know you're not some kinda creepy pervert who wants to sneak into my house and make off with my unmentionables?" Marceline demanded, looking deadly serious. Hey, stuff like that happens. Finn and Jake had snuck into her house once, but that had been different, mostly.